Sweet meat
So the other day I was actually cleaning the house (attempting to). I had no make-up, I was in grubby clothes, and I am sure I had spit up on me somewhere. Just then the doorbell rang and there was a knock on the door. I assumed it was the kid next door since that is his signature knock (the ring and the knock at the same time) so I opened the door. Here is where the fun begins...
Yes, it was a solicitor. The first question I was asked was, "Is your mom or dad home?" I should have said no and closed the door, but I was honest, told him I owned the house, and let him talk. I think I need to be more mean! Watch out friends! I might practice on you. Anyway, before I even finished telling the guy that I owned the house, he had five boxes of steaks strewn about my front step. I am actually not exaggerating this time. Each box had 8-10 individually packages steaks. I was working hard to hold Abby back. He wanted to sell them to me for the very low price of $350! Are you kidding me? He is ringing my door in the middle of the day which most likely means I am not working if I am at home. Of course I have $350 lying around the house to spend on steaks!
I said I didn't want any, so he ran to his truck to get the chicken! So I now had 12 boxes of meat on my front step! I still said no, so he offered a "crazy deal" to me and knocked the price down to $250 for a selection of 6 boxes. I could even mix and match the chicken and meat! Didn't he know I just went to Costco and bought a year's supply of chicken for $10? I politely told him that I didn't have $250 and here is when he started to get mad at me. Yes, he was getting mad at me because I was being stupid by not buying $250 worth of meat! I told him I didn't have a job and therefore had no money and he said "Oh, it must be nice to be on vacation!" Ummm... since when is doing 3-5 loads of laundry a day, cleaning the house, taking care of a screaming child, grocery shopping, keeping Abby and the cats from destroying everything in the house, and not having enough time for yourself to even shower until shortly before your husband comes home from work a vacation!!! I do have a job... I just don't get paid to do it.
So, with meat all over my doorstep, Abby drooling all over the place, and this guy almost yelling at me (he was rolling his eyes and looked like he was going to come at me any minute) I told him "no"! He said "Come on! I can't afford a restocking fee!" Are you kidding me? Seriously! Are you kidding me? Did I ask this guy to come over? Did I ask this guy to interrupt my small amount of free time I had to clean while Maddie was napping? Did I ask him to throw meat all over my drive way? But it was such a good deal according to him. I continued to say no and I obviously pissed him off by doing so.
I probably should have closed the door on him, but instead I said "You don't even have filet minion in that pile of meat and you expect me to pay $250 for that?" With that, he ran to his truck to get a box of filet minion. Oops. I still said no anyway. So, he knocked the price down to $200... then to $150. I still didn't want 56 steaks. He was getting really upset at this point. Instead of offering me 6 boxes of steaks for $150, he instead offered me 5 boxes of steaks (46 steaks in total) for $100. I said no.
I was so stubborn about not wanting any steaks and I was getting so upset over the fact that this guy was really frustrated with me. I stuck to my guns!
Turns out I bought 5 boxes of steaks for $100. That's 46 steaks! That's a little over $2 per steak! They are all individually wrapped, aged, and flash frozen so they will last up to 12 months in your freezer! And I even got the filet minion!
He did make me promise I wouldn't tell our neighbors. They bought the 6 boxes for $360! The guy said that next time he comes to the house I should chip in a little extra since they lost money on this deal? Did he hear the part when I said I didn't want any steaks? What makes him think that I am looking forward to him coming back? Now that I know I can get the steaks for $100 why would I pay more? He didn't have to sell them to me if he was losing money. At least he didn't have to pay a restocking fee! Always complaining... I swear.
I told James about this when he got home. He looked at the boxes of steaks and said, "You didn't get Porterhouse? That is the best kind. You bought all these steaks and didn't even get the best kind!" What? Is he for real? I got filet minion! I told him he was more than welcome to call the guy, have him come to the house, and trade out one of the other boxes of steaks for Porterhouse. He probably would charge us $250 for the box.
(Editor's note: We had the first two steaks last night and they were great! Good job honey! Oh yeah.... and Maddie doesn't perpetually scream.)